Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Dear Word Diarrhea

Dear Word Diarrhea,

Oftentimes Occasionally I find myself afflicted with you.  You are like a virus; you infect me, and I become symptomatic.

I am the weirdo proud person who has coined this phrase, at least amongst my friends.  My definition of 'Word Diarrhea' is when you have so much to say that your tongue cannot maneuver fast enough to spew the words out.  By the same token, if your audience is on cyberspace, then your fingers cannot type fast enough to get the words onto the screen.

A good story has a beginning, middle, and end.  You do your story no justice if you start telling it in the middle or just give up the punchline.  You must set the scene, describe the characters, provide the event sequence, highlight the major points, elicit the 'ooohs' and 'aaahs,' and finish with a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am.  Therein lies the term -- Word Diarrhea.

Some days, I'm mellow, quiet, and content.  But some other days, when DH comes home from work, I am like a loaded cannonball waiting to fire at him.  (Inside my head I see bullet points and highlighted text to cover).  After all, he goes to work, and we all know that nothing much interesting fun happens at work.  I, on the other hand, have all kinds of fascinating things happen to me, all day long.  From kids to schools to Facebook to Twitter to blogs to errands to cooking to turtle and Fish #2 to miscellany, well, you get the point...

I have a lot of things to say.

When I talk about something I am excited about, I get really animated.  My voice gets louder and louder (if we're in public, DH has to gently remind me to pipe down); my arms swing ever which way (DS' head gets knocked if he's in arm's reach), my face makes about a thousand expressions within minutes, and after a few, I sometimes have to stop mid-sentence to suck in some oxygen because I had forgotten to breathe. 

When talking to an acquaintance, Word Diarrhea is not appropriate for many reasons.  You never want to be so rude to take the floor and keep talking nonstop.  Even if the story is really good.  There must be some semblance of a ping pong ball, back-and-forth sort of conversation.  Or else you will never get the opportunity to talk at to that person again. 

But a DH and a BFF is different.  They don't really have a choice other than to listen to you rant.  (Did I mention that while I am the host to this virus, the victim -- and true sufferer --  is really my audience?)  My poor DH listens and listens, and halfway through my ten minute monologue, he gives me a discreet Smile of Understanding.  I've seen that smile a million times.  It's the you-are-so-funny-you-actually-have-that-much-to-say look.  And that's when I realize I have to get to the point.  Fast forward spewing words, waving arms, and making facial expressions.

My BFFs have received texts and emails from me titled 'Word Diarrhea.'  Watch out, 'cause here comes the flood!  Pages of single spaced, 12 point font typing with very few paragraph breaks.  But because my BFFs cannot see my arms and expressions, those are written in the text.  I'm that good.  I guess I don't feel as bad writing a Word Diarrhea email, because my BFFs won't don't have to read every single word.  Reading every seventh line will probably give a good enough summary of my OMG Story.

Recently, I've noticed that a couple of smaller versions of me have appeared.  DD and DS come home from school and start to spew out events, facts, happenings, and stories at me.  At which time I must stop what I am doing and concentrate to hear what they are saying.  I know, I know...  This is 'me' getting a taste of my own medicine.  But what I do love is seeing their little arms flap about and their grins and wide-eye looks as they tell me something exciting that happened at school that day.

Well, this Letter has turned into Word Diarrhea in and of itself.  I guess I've done it again: I've created another monologue and splattered words all over the screen, and the reader doesn't even get a chance to get a word in edgewise.  So I shall stop now.

Word Diarrhea, you are cleared out of my system.  As... of... NOW.  Until next time!



  1. As one of your BFF I must say thats what I love about talking to u cuz u are so animated :) I can see your face when u get excited! But that same thing happen to me too when my hubby comes home too so u are not alone! Ha

  2. Thanks, BFF! What is it about dumping, I mean, sharing, with our DHs that makes life complete? Because our DHs are our BFFs, too!

  3. I feel like you are always the one to listen to my craziness. How great that we have even more in common!!!

  4. Helen, Being a good listener and having Word Diarrhea go hand in hand. That makes a Good Friend, right? Thanks for your debut comment on the blog site!

  5. If not for word diarrhea, I would be completely incapable of speech. So hats off (pants off?) to you for spreading it around.

  6. Nari, LOL. I was afraid that the title would put some people off, but you have me LMAO! You really have a way with your comments. I love it! Thanks!