Dear Random Things,
You are the best that I could come up with for today's post.
Last night, my eyelids wouldn't stay upright, and my brain felt like melted Jell-O swooshing around inside my skull. Being on summer hours is, you know, so hard. My missing alarm clock and inability to surrender to sleep is making me zombie-er by the
10. I have three atomic clocks at home, and during the 99% of time that they work, they take the guesswork out of 'what time is it?'. #youknewaboutmyocd
9. I've always been a year younger than my classmates because I skipped eighth grade. Which meant I just turned 13 to attend high school and 17 to go off to college. While now I think that was too young, I'm grateful because when I look around, I can't imagine anything different because I didn't skip eighth grade. And even better, I'm now the youngest amongst my group of friends. #lastonetoturn40
8. I have one slightly droopy eye because of nerve damage caused by Bell's Palsy. It is more apparent when I am tired. It's a wonder why both my eyes don't droop because 10 months prior to the second occurrence, I had another bout of Bell's Palsy on the other side. The chances of that happening are miniscule. #whycantiwinthelotteryinstead
7. I water down all the juices I drink. If I'm out, I wait for the ice to melt first. Not only does this suit my taste buds better, I get twice as much more beverage. #cheapskateandhighmaintenance
6. I have recurrent nightmares about my appearance. Like beyond-exaggerated ginormous zits, loose or missing teeth, stuck contact lenses, and haircut or haircoloring fails. #narcissistorparanoid
5. I used to teach 280+ children each week (I taught Science Lab to primary grades), and I knew every single one of their first and last names. I was big on names. However, that was a decade ago. I'd be lucky if I can get all their first names now. #losingbraincellsbytheminute
4. I have white coat hypertension, which means high blood pressure when one see a doctor (in the white coat). Which means I have high blood pressure when I get my blood pressure taken. It's a bit of a problem, don't you think? The nurse always looks at me dubiously when I tell her that I have anxiety with sphygmomanometers. And then she tells me to relax. Which always bumps up that reading by another ten points-- top and bottom numbers--over the already too-high reading. Who can relax on command? An anxiety-ridden patient getting her blood pressure taken, apparently. #ihatethesoundofthatvelcrostrap
3. I have one real compulsive behavior since I was very little. As a passenger in the car, I tap my finger when I am between two fixed points. These fixed points are usually the broken white or yellow lines on the road, or they could be space between two trees, parked cars, what not. So as my car is moving forward, my finger goes tap-tap-tap when I think I am precisely in between two fixed points. Is there any point to this? No. Is there any point to any compulsive behavior? #rhetoricalquestion
2. These days, I like to give myself temporary belly button lifts. As you know, pregnancies and aging are not kind to your belly button. This is what to do to remedy that, temporarily: 1) Stand in front of a mirror. 2) Place your pointer finger about one inch above your belly button. 3) Gently press and lift at the same time. Voila. There's your fabulous, pre-pregnancy belly button. Doesn't it look like it's only 20-years-old? #justdontletgo
1. When all the stars are aligned, I can belch like a mofo. But I could just be lying, because no one has or will ever see or hear it. #exceptmyluckyDH
And there you have it. Do we have anything in common?
So, Random Things, we have just shared things about me that people didn't ask to know. But they read it, so maybe it wasn't totally useless. Whaddaya say we have a bet on how many readers will actually try the Temporary Belly Button Lift just to see if it works? People, it works. (Temporarily.)