Monday, June 30, 2014

Expunge


How often do you mean to say one thing but something else entirely different comes out of your mouth? Better yet, how often do you mean to say A but say B and don't even realize it?


DH is notorious for the latter. He can have an entire conversation with you about one thing but actually mean another thing. Without even batting an eye. Cuz he doesn't even know what he did. Sometimes I wonder how he fares at work, speaking law lingo and having a major brain fart. Without knowing he did. 


DH: Put your shoes on. It's hot today, so just put on your flippers.
DD: Um, you mean flip flops?


Nine out of ten times, he'll miss these two terms:


DS: Can I have dessert now?
DH: Sure, you can have a Dum Dum. Go pick a popsicle flavor.
DS: You mean lollipop.


Conversely,


DH: It's good day for a lollipop. Go get one from the freezer.
DD: Popsicle!


How about...


DH: After dinner, we can go to Baskin Robbins to look at books.
Me: Um, Baskin Robbins to have ice cream or Barnes and Noble to look at books?


Or...


DH: Mama made lots of pancakes for your birthday party. You can have one now.
DD: Cupcakes, daddy, CUPCAKES!


Nowadays, whenever Daddy commits a Word Crime, the kiddos all scream about the List--the compilation of his crossed brain-to-speech wires. The one that will give birth to a blog post.


Me: I think we're out of tomato sauce!
DH: Look in the upper cabinets. There may be some potato sauce up there.
DD: Tomato sauce! Mama, put that on the list!


However, the apples don't fall too far from the tree.


DH: Which fruit would you like to eat?
DS: I'm not sure. I'm depending on apples or strawberries.
DD: Um, you mean deciding between?


Even Miss Word Police slips up once in a while! During a conversation where Daddy was telling about his new favorite music artist, Stromae, which is a syllabic inversion (ha!) of the word, maestro, this happened:


DD: Where's his name from again? The word maestro? Wait, isn't that a kind of soup?
DH: Uh, no. That's minestrone.


Yep, it happens even to the best of us.


DD: What's your favorite kind of pasta? Mine's penne.
DH: Yes, we know. I like all pastas except for angel hair pasta. It's too skinny.
Me: Yes, we know. That'd be why I never buy angel fish pasta.
DD: ANGEL FISH? Angel hair!


Yep, this is another example of my inheritance of DH's disorders via environmental institutionalization. Except sometimes it goes outside the home, too.


Student: Mrs. Chang, why is that word misspelled on the board?
Me: Because it's Friday and Mrs. Brain's Chang is full.


Uh, they knew what I meant.


Because


Me: You kids hurry up and put on your flippers! We're going to the Y!


See? There's a good reason why we four peas belong in one Crazy Pod.


In our defense, DH was just talking about the process of brain expunging. We are getting on in age, to the point where when our brains have reached a maximum level of content storage, old things have to be expunged before new ones can enter. DH was telling me how he has to go review some files from a couple of years back in order to do some work for a current client. Because he had already expunged old contents to fit in new ones.


I can totally relate. On my elliptical machine, I must concentrate really hard to do everything I need to do. I need to tighten my abs or else my lower back will ache the next day. I need to keep flexing and releasing my right hand on the handle bar or else my fingers will fall asleep 10 minutes into my run. I have to keep wiggling my left toes or else they will fall asleep in the last 10 minutes of my run. Right hand, left toes, abs. Right hand, left toes, abs. Let's just say that the percentage of time that I can keep all three up simultaneously is only about a measly 10. The rest of the time my brain is too full cuz I'm either enjoying the music (too much), wondering how much time is left, or worrying about how my right fingers and left toes will be falling asleep.


So, EXPUNGE, rinse, and repeat.


But speaking of old age, this happened eighteen long years ago:




18 years and we're still on our way to becoming gray and wrinkly together. Oh wait, he's gray and I'm wrinkly ALREADY. I guess that means we still complement each other pretty well.


And we'll probably have a lot more expunging to do when we're both gray and wrinkly.




5 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary. The fact that you keep a list of your husband's word substitutions makes me love you even more.

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  2. Happy Anniversary!
    What Shannon said too.
    :)

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  3. I do stuff like this all the time, I think it has to do with aging. Sometimes I stop mid sentence, can't retrieve a word. It is really sad.

    Congrats on your anniversary!

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  4. Haha, got a good chuckle from the word mix ups. I do that all the time. It's either because my brain works too fast or because it doesn't rev at all :-)

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  5. Yep, mix up words all the time! At least some of these mix ups were close ;). And good idea to keep a list to write a post about it!! Hehe. Congrats on 18 years together, that's pretty awesome!

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